Giving the fake life the flick!

FAKE

adjective
  1. not genuine; imitation or counterfeit.
    “she got on the plane with a fake passport”

Over the years I have begun to realize many things about people, that in turn has made me learn things about myself. I don’t know if its a case of “as i get older” or I don’t know, but over the last 6-12months I have found myself questioning my values, specifically “Fakeness”, I have had this discussion recently with a few close friends.

 

Toxic people always want you bring you down, but they will generally do it with a smile on their face while pretending to be a Friend to your face but behind your back you are no where near good enough to “hang with them” or “did you see what they were wearing” these people are not worth your time, like at all. Because to be honest not everyone in life is going to like you and its OK! you don’t have to like them either and guess what….that’s OK too!

Honesty is the best policy.

I am a firm believer in being nice to everyone generally they people I consider fake say nice things to peoples face but in the back ground are telling someone else how they didn’t really mean what they said, Manners go a long way, however I am not going out of my way to be sickly nice to someone I actually don’t like. This will often get you a reputation for being a bitch….but i think the fact that some people get so affronted by the fact someone may not like them  the only way they know to cope it to bitch behind your back or try to win over your affections is much worse (this actually turns me into a bitch when people start doing this)

Stop being afraid to be your self!

Stop trying to be like everyone else, we are all on our own journey, we are learning things from the people around us every day, we go through highs and lows at different times, surround your self with a handful of genuine people who listen, support, advise but ultimately let you make your own mistakes but will still  be there when it all comes crashing down to set you back on the path older and wiser and their to laugh about it in 6 months time.

 

Ash xoxoxo

Lets Talk about mental health because it is just as important as physical health!

There are many times in our lives where emotions can get the better of us for one reason or another, sometimes for the most strangest of reasons. I am lucky enough to have a solid group of friends who are so supportive and always around for what I might think to be the silliest of things but none the less they are an amazing bunch of people, That always know when to ask “R U OK?”

About 14 months ago I lost my Mum really suddenly, I remember the day like it was yesterday I spoke to her in the morning on my way to work, I went to see her when i knocked off I found her unconscious (she had suffered a rare kind of stroke) Just like that my entire life changed after a stressful weekend spent in an intensive care unit 7 hrs away from home I just didn’t know how to cope with my feelings, I built a wall around myself I didn’t want anyone to know how sad I was or how much stress i was under, little did I know I was heading towards a massive break.

A few days later I went out for coffee with my best friend, He asked how I was coping so well, He knew at this point I was going to have too step up and run 2 family businesses and become a mother figure to my younger brother….Truth was I wasn’t coping at all I was stressed on edge and I just wanted to disappear (the constant questions and people wanting to hug me was becoming over whelming), later I would find out all of my friends were concerned as none of them had seen me “break down” as such, I was just flat, mono-toned and distant to keep my emotions at bay.

We all find our own ways to deal with grief my way of coping was controlling everything I ate it was the only part of my life I could control with out fail, everything was weighed measured and accounted for, along with an intensive workout routine that ruled my life, I would weigh and measure myself every week just to keep the feeling of control where I could, I began to become a recluse avoiding socializing, or any situation where i might have to talk or even think about the fact I might be sad or not actually dealing with Mum passing away.

I know have a much healthier attitude towards food and my body! Check out my blog “My Battle with my body”

It wasn’t until recently I actually stated to talk more about how I was feeling, or actually just letting myself even feel something and feeling OK about it. Only now that I have finally got a grip on socializing again not being afraid that people will look at me sympathetically and ask how I’m going with everything and having to lie to them and say “fine” I actually tell them there are good days and bad days,  I allow myself to make mistakes and learn from them, there are days that are the hard some times you want some good quality Mum advice.

My friends seem to always know exactly when to ask “R U OK?”, It may be on the anniversary of her passing away, her Birthday, My Birthday, When work is getting the better of me or I’m going through a tricky life situation.  They will listen to me, spend time with me, laugh with me and even cry with me.

Never be afraid to ask if a loved one is OK! it doesn’t even need to be a loved one, If you ever think someone is not OK, even having a quick chat with them can make their day!

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My mental battle with my body!

Over the years like many girls (& boys) i have struggled the way my body looks, always looking in the mirror and hating everything i saw, I am sure for most of you this sounds similar, I bounced around on fad diets, intense workout plans (with very little gains) but this never changed the way I saw myself….Until recently.

One Evening I got home from the gym and looked at my self in the mirror and thought This battle with my head has to stop!  This wasn’t long after my mum passed away so on the best of days I was always some what of an emotional wreck but exercise at this point was an escape for me, for a whole hour I didn’t need to worry about being angry, sad, or happy. I didn’t have to worry about someone talking to me, or even talking to someone else.

At this point I was running, it was a fitness weakness for me so  I was working on improving and this is where my attitude to food, exercise and my body started to change. You cant train running over 30kilomiters a week on a low calorie diet, you could but i can guarantee you probably wouldn’t make any gains in speed or recovery time. In the space of about 2 months I went from running 10ks in an hour to 10ks in about 45min depending on the day (my PB to this day is 13ks in 40mins) I was nourishing my with whole and unprocessed foods from a wide range of food groups.

Whilst I was doing my running training I was also working with a PT at a local crossfit gym 2x per week to help complement the running,  I loved our sessions I left every week on top of the world, Kaye is still my PT and she is most definitely one of my fav people she is always supportive and offering advice without pushing her opinion, we also have one thing in common we hate FAD DIETS! Not long after I started training with Kaye she put me into the in house Crossfit open Comp, and I had my doubts  (I have 2 major fears Rejection and Failure) but I was pleasantly surprised with my results in 2 instances i came in 2nd on the board, I realized how low my self confidence was ….this is when I made my decision to be the healthiest and fittest I can be!

After my holiday to the USA I signed up to start crossfit……still a little scared of rejection and failure, I would stand in the back of class quiet not wanting to make eye contact with anyone, but after a few short weeks I saw a change in my body, my mind and my self prescription. I no longer cared about the results in on the scales but the results on the Board, seeing myself lift heaver, move faster, getting better at a movement I once struggled with or finishing a workout using an RX weight.

My attitude towards myself has been my favorite change from starting crossfit I have formed new friendships with a wide range of like minded people , I reward my body with nourishing foods, Ive cut out all refined sugar (see my other blog), I am gaining mental strength and believing in myself more and more, as well as learning to encourage others and lets not forget I am still seeing changes in my body, but they are the last thing on my mind :D!

Fitter, stronger and Healthier the rest is all a bonus!   toes to bar1

Defining Friendships

I am so blessed to have a small group of dear friends, however as a single girl I am always asked to define or explain these friendships to people, and I am always baffled as to how closed minded people seam to be to particular ideas, I mean we live in a modern society right?

Friend 1

Sex: Male

Length of Friendship: 14 Years

Relationship status: Single

This person I would define as one of my dearest friends, We had almost every class in High-school together, traveled through Europe, seen each other at our best and at our worst. We generally just tell people we are cousins or some form of relation to justify why we hang out so much when ever we are visiting one another, or do we just want to make it less hard for them to understand that we are just best friends…..you know boys and girls can be just friends right????

Friend 2

Sex: Male

Length of Friendship: 10 years

Relationship status: Playa

Friend 2 is a notorious ladies man, so I can see where people get the wrong idea however this person has dated many of my friends due to my “wing man” abilities…..(they aren’t that great) However this friend has provided some of the funniest and most memorable times in my life….And we make “bro night” a regular occasion when ever he is in town home from his fly in fly out job, and I have to say it’s fun just being an absolute clown for a night :P.

Friend 3.5 😛

Sex: Female

Relationship status: Married

Length of friendship: 10 years

Friend 3 is one of the most amazing people ever! (her husband is pretty great too…..apart for his choice in football team?!) I love going and visiting them both, I instantly feel at ease in their house… apart for that one time they (husband) tried to set me up with one of the groomsmen at their wedding….maybe it was 2 or 3 of them, maybe a first come first served basis who knows but i guess when you’re the only single bridesmaid other than the flower girls there isn’t much choice left, Regardless I love how I have been accepted into this family with open arms with no judgment about any of my decisions in life and they would do anything to help anyone, plus friend 3 loves living vicariously through me.

Friend 4 

Sex: Female

Length of friendship: 4.5years

Relationship status: Single

Friend 4 and I are not actually sure how we became friends, but aren’t those the best type of friendships. We are polar opposites of each other shes the “Cool Confidant Heavy Metal Hippy” and I’m the “Shy Quirky Mod Hipster” the best part of our friendship is our completely different taste in men…..well 95% of the time. I think I would run out of fingers if I had to count the times we have been asked if we are a “couple”, maybe we have just been single for that long people are trying to solve our “problem”

I feel like grabbing these people and saying “why do you need an explanation for my friendship? Why do I need to be pigeonholed? Why can’t I have a male best friend, spend my mights out with my other single friends?

My friends are an extension of my family and I am lucky to have them all around for the good times and the bad.

How have people tried to label you or your friends in the past?

Ashlee-Jean

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