There are many times in our lives where emotions can get the better of us for one reason or another, sometimes for the most strangest of reasons. I am lucky enough to have a solid group of friends who are so supportive and always around for what I might think to be the silliest of things but none the less they are an amazing bunch of people, That always know when to ask “R U OK?”
About 14 months ago I lost my Mum really suddenly, I remember the day like it was yesterday I spoke to her in the morning on my way to work, I went to see her when i knocked off I found her unconscious (she had suffered a rare kind of stroke) Just like that my entire life changed after a stressful weekend spent in an intensive care unit 7 hrs away from home I just didn’t know how to cope with my feelings, I built a wall around myself I didn’t want anyone to know how sad I was or how much stress i was under, little did I know I was heading towards a massive break.
A few days later I went out for coffee with my best friend, He asked how I was coping so well, He knew at this point I was going to have too step up and run 2 family businesses and become a mother figure to my younger brother….Truth was I wasn’t coping at all I was stressed on edge and I just wanted to disappear (the constant questions and people wanting to hug me was becoming over whelming), later I would find out all of my friends were concerned as none of them had seen me “break down” as such, I was just flat, mono-toned and distant to keep my emotions at bay.
We all find our own ways to deal with grief my way of coping was controlling everything I ate it was the only part of my life I could control with out fail, everything was weighed measured and accounted for, along with an intensive workout routine that ruled my life, I would weigh and measure myself every week just to keep the feeling of control where I could, I began to become a recluse avoiding socializing, or any situation where i might have to talk or even think about the fact I might be sad or not actually dealing with Mum passing away.
I know have a much healthier attitude towards food and my body! Check out my blog “My Battle with my body”
It wasn’t until recently I actually stated to talk more about how I was feeling, or actually just letting myself even feel something and feeling OK about it. Only now that I have finally got a grip on socializing again not being afraid that people will look at me sympathetically and ask how I’m going with everything and having to lie to them and say “fine” I actually tell them there are good days and bad days, I allow myself to make mistakes and learn from them, there are days that are the hard some times you want some good quality Mum advice.
My friends seem to always know exactly when to ask “R U OK?”, It may be on the anniversary of her passing away, her Birthday, My Birthday, When work is getting the better of me or I’m going through a tricky life situation. They will listen to me, spend time with me, laugh with me and even cry with me.
Never be afraid to ask if a loved one is OK! it doesn’t even need to be a loved one, If you ever think someone is not OK, even having a quick chat with them can make their day!